The Brevity of Death (Episode 5, Part 1)

Okay, back in the saddle, with "The Brevity of Death": Episode Five ~~~~~ My wife was late to her own funeral! You hear this expression used often... "So and so would even be late to their own funeral". But for those of you who were actually there, you know that my beautiful little wife was in fact, late to her own funeral! There are some who consider my little stories concerning my wife's passing as satire and I suppose they are correct; however, I prefer to think of them as literary caricatures of the truth. Perhaps that's just splitting hairs, but I think you would be very surprised by how much more truth these stories contain than fiction. For example, outside of a few embellishments regarding Traci's preparation and associated charges, how we came to purchase the used casket is pretty near word for word of how that transaction actually came to pass. Having said that, in that episode, I referred to the gentleman (if you can call him that) as "MBA". Again, refer back to the story... From this point forward, however, I will simply refer to him as "DA". I'll allow you to determine what those letters mean. At any rate, as I said, up until now all of my stories have been attempts at comical caricatures, but I am honestly having difficulty finding any humor in this one. But, I will do my best. And I sincerely apologize if anyone finds these posts upsetting or offensive in any way. If you do however, it might be a good idea to just block me from your friends list, because I intend to have a whole lot more of these to come. Also, this episode is a little bit lengthy, but I found a really good stopping point, to break it up before it begins to turn kind of dark, so, I have decided to divide it up into at least two, or possibly three episodes. ~~~ Traci passed away on Sunday, June 21st and I walked into her room only moments after my daughter, April, and I had witnessed medical staff perform, and eventually cease, the brutal act of CPR. Following the truly, visually traumatic event we had just witnessed, I was more than a little shocked by the insensitivity of the nurses who had been left behind, to remove the breathing tube and wires and IV tubes and such. Having said that, I really wanted to be the one to remove Traci's wedding band and engagement ring. But as I was walking into the room, one of the the nurses had just taken them off. I told her that I had really wanted to be the one to remove them... To be fair, her response may have been a bit kinder than I remember, but all I heard was a rather hurriedly and plain "Oh, sorry". So, STRIKE ONE! Then, before they had even finished removing all of the wires and stuff, one of the nurses asked me,

"Do you know what funeral home you want to use?" and the other then chimed in, "Yeah, do you know which one?". Oh sure! Like THAT was at the forefront of my mind at that exact moment... Something that wouldn't have even made the short-list for at least another half-hour, if even then! STRIKES TWO AND THREE! I absolutely promise you, by this point it took every single fiber of my being, but I somehow mustered up the strength to refrain from jumping across that gurney, and slam dunking both of the old gals' heads into the sink, like Michael Jordan at the peak of his prime! Fortunately, self-control got the better of me and all I said was, "I have no idea!" I mean, it had just been less than a couple of minutes, since they had ceased CPR. Just as a side note, my time-line may be a bit off, due to the short-circuiting of my brain at the time... So there was a big part of me, I'm sure many of you have experienced, where I really kind of expected Traci's eyes to open wide and for her to start gasping for air. But sadly, even though you hope against hope, that just doesn't happen. However, after a few moments passed and the nurses finished their task of removing all of the tubes, wires, etc., the funniest thing happened. I looked down at Traci and she had the cutest little grin on her face. And as morbid as it might seem to some of you, I choose to believe, that was Traci's silly little way of saying to me... "GOTCHA!!!" It was truly a heartwarming moment and THAT was how I wanted to remember my beautiful little wife! Not in some casket, done up in such a way that I might have had a hard time even recognizing her. So, I made the choice right then and there, that I was not going view her body again before she was laid to rest. I want to remember and cherish that little moment of seeing her, with that cute little grin. ~~~ To Be Continued: